TIME OF THE DAY
It all started in high school.. I met this guy, I became friend with him, we spoke a lot, we got along, we spoke on the phone, we texted, we were good friends.
We liked each other, it was great.
Well I liked him anyway, I don't know if he was telling the truth, but I was.
At the time, I liked him for him. I truly did, looks didn't matter, it didn't occur to me back then. I just liked him!
We had a school camp coming up in year 11 and I was not going to attend, because for 1. we would have to camp out for one night after walking to get there for a few hours. 2. The day, I would get home from camp, I would be in the car for 10 or so hours, on the way to Sydney.
3. It was a bittersweet time of the year, with my grandpa passing and the reason for Sydney, was for his funeral....
The reason I considered going to camp and ended up going, was because he asked me to come. I wanted to spend time with him, you know - have fun with our friends, chat.
Camp turned out to be great fun and I had my bestest friends in the tent with me and was in a cabin with my closest friends. I am grateful now that I went.
I get shy talking to guys, it is just who I am and it sucks. I'm a shy person.
Once, I finally got the courage to go and talk to him, I did....though, it was pretty much saved by the bell for him as everyone got told to go inside and what they had planned, was now ready...so that was the end.
I was disappointed about, not getting to talk to him after finally getting confidence to do so. Oh, did I mention one of my friends, told me the night before camp that she 'likes him too'!!!!! BEFORE CAMP!
Anyways, I am getting to the point :)
One night at the camp, I cried. I cried because of him. He didn't intentionally do something but I was at camp, I wanted to talk to him, my good friend liked him also and it was hard.
I remember, sitting down after dinner with everyone, some still eating, some finished and sitting at the tables in the hall.
I guess in a way, I was trying to get his attention, without actually getting his attention. I thought he would come sit and talk....What a joke that was.
Don't get me wrong, he isn't a bad guy. He is pretty great.
So, he never came to sit and talk...maybe he was trying to avoid me, I don't know. Though, I found myself crying in the bathroom and my friends being there for me. Thinking about it now, I guess that was the day - he didn't like me, even if it did or didn't in the first place, who know's...I can't say.
The title of this is called 'Time of the day' for the reason being that, I Natalia am still caught up..He is hard to forget about and I guess I am the kind of person who cherishes memories and the good times. However, sometimes I wish I could forget, I wish I could forget the phone call I once had with him that lasted all night. It's hard.
Now that I am out of school, I never really thought about how things would be.
Though, I still see his name there...on my facebook chat and I feel stupid, every time.
Why do us as humans, wait, want people who don't necessarily give us the time of the day?
Why do we, want to talk to them in the first place when there are other people who will talk to you?
I know we all have our reasons and people have reasons on why they don't use social media much, I get it, I do.
I just feel stupid..
Because 5 years later.... I still think of him, I can't get him out of my heart (Not really in a 'I like you way' In a way that he will always mean something to me, I can't forget about the memories and I honestly do try to 'not' talk to him because I know that, I maybe shouldn't waste my time on talking to someone who doesn't spend time wanting or talking to me.
I know I say and think all of that, but I still, think he is a great guy and sometimes, I want to slap myself in the face for it. I know better but there is just something.
The other week, I asked my friend - why we can't stop talking to these people in our lives etc? I mean, surely everyone experiences it?
and my friend, didn't know. Does anyone know? Does it happen to people of a regular basis?
Moral of the story is, it is okay to treasure the memories you have with people because it happened. It is okay to still feel the way you feel about people who you maybe shouldn't be doing or if you know you are better then that. It is okay!
We all go through it in life and all we can do, is be yourself, love yourself and to know you deserve better even if you still want this person in your life as a friend. I mean, it sucks seeing him online and wanting to talk but also knowing he probably isn't feeling the same way and maybe doesn't want to talk to you.
It also is okay to feel stupid. I mean, one day they will be out of your life and you will have to accept, that what was once a thing, isn't now and that people change, no matter how much we want the situation to stay the same.
As for the guy, I dont think I can forget about him, I don't like like him. I consider him a friend but I do like the memories. I do like when we talk but no one can force someone to talk to them.
At the end of the day, I will always care for him and I can't help it but I know, who I am and who I am worthy of.
You are worthy of people too!
You are worthy of a great life!
You are worthy of being loved!
You are worthy of being you!
Okay, I don't know where this was really going but I needed to let it out and to encourage people that it is okay to cherish the memories and there is nothing wrong with it.
Comment if you would like :)
From Natalia xx
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