What would life be like with one hundred percent truths? 

Dear Blog, Internet world, Any insightful people,

The topic for today's post is -
When you've never been in love but keep coming back to the same guy.

You see a few months back I thought that I had gotten over the guy I had a crush on...but fast forward back to now, I'm not so sure and again the questions revolving around love come to mind.

Why do I still feel this way about him?
Why haven't I gotten over him completely?
Why do I feel like I don't like him but deep down I do even when I don't believe it?
What is it like to be in love?
How do I know what love is?
Is loving someone, liking them for over 6 years?
Is it al just in my mind?
Do I feel and think this way because he sometimes doesn't give me attention?
Or do I feel this way because I have a feeling he 'loves' someone else and I
feel like I'm losing him even though    I    don't    even      have     him   and have never technically had him!?

I'm moving on with my life, I have an awesome job. I have met new people. I have had awesome opportunities arise. I earned enough to get the camera that I have wanted for many years. I am saving. I am a good person. I'm still so passionate about writing...
yet....one picture of him and I'm back where I started, one message from him and I'm back where I started, as if the way I feel has never gone away but just been pushed to the back of my head.

What freaks me out is that I'm 22 right - so technically an adult and people are getting into relationships, they are getting engaged, they are moving on.
what freaks me out and bobbles my mind is that, as an adult we should be able to tell people how we feel in an adult mature way, in a way where if its what the other person wants then it will happen, where you can find out how he or she really feels and can possibly move on if the heart allows it. I don't want to grow to 25 or older and not speak out about how I feel.

What frustrates me is that I feel like in 2016 guys still have that way of weighing on us, they are the one who makes the decisions like asking a girl out, I have never thought it is bad or wrong if a girl does it, like go girl - you're brave and I applaud you but I mean what frustrates me is if he doesn't message back yeah sure I feel down and sad and when they do message you, you feel happy, full (in a different way to life filling you up without a guy) and I mean,

for any guys out there, reading this or not - if you like or have liked a girl and they do or don't message back, do you feel the same as girls regarding getting a reply or not?
is it the same?

If it is then that is interesting and makes me feel so much better for feeling like crap when not getting a reply but my main question of this whole blog is - how do you know what love is???

I have had a crush on a guy for over 6 years, as you may have read about in other blog posts and today when he replied to my message I realised that I haven't gotten over him, the feelings are still there. Why have I liked him for so long and what is it?
I don't know its probably just weird and my brain thinking like a nutter but it does make me wonder.

Have you ever questioned what love is and if you're possibly, maybe experiencing it or if you are confused of what it may be? ...............or is it only me?! ha


From
Natalia xx

Lately, I realised that life is art. It just depends on the way you look at it. Right now, I'm sitting on the lounge, looking out into my back garden at the grey rainy sky, the dark green trees and making sure there are no snakes around...

To the guy I adore,

I met you over 4 years ago when I had started a new part of my life. I got to know you quite well and all of a sudden, I really liked you. You said you liked me to but nothing ever happened.
I understand part of it was because of me being shy and wanting a friend with me, instead of being alone talking to you..but it was because I liked you.
One night we spent a whole night talking on the phone and even though I was crying about another guy, it's something I secretly always treasured.
Because now I realise that the guy I was talking to, is someone I didn't think I would have feelings for these many years later.
A day before camp, one of my friends told me that they liked you to...that was strange for me because I really did like you and it was a weird situation to be in.
I remember trying to get up the courage to go and talk to you and for someone who is shy, that was a huge step. I finally did, I remember feeling happy, happy to be by your side, however the world happened and that moment was over, though - maybe it was already over before. I remember you didn't sound too keen and at the camp dinner one night, it seemed like you ignored me and well, as an emotional teenager, naturally I went to the bathroom and cried with my friends by my side because I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me and what you didn't like...

We graduated school and I remember feeling happy inside to have even talked to you at formal, even though you were there with someone who wasn't me but who became a friend after school had finished. She was beautiful.
I Tried to be happy for you but deep down it was really hard. 
Since graduating, we have talked on and off however, there was a little situation in there when a whole big thing happened and but we got over that.
I have always wanted and tried, successfully and also failing, wanted to be a girl who doesn't be loved up by a guy just because he complimented me. Though, with you - I couldn't help myself. 
You gave some nice compliments, whether you mean't it or not, it was nice. 
I also recall you saying that you feel stupid and angry at yourself because you didn't take the chance to be with me when you wanted to and could have. That, at the time made me silent, I had no words but now, I think that if you really wanted something, you would have gone for it, no matter what. You would have done it, but maybe you didn't really want it? or cared to much what other friends thought?

I'm writing this because I don't know how to say all this to you and to this day, there is something about you that I can't figure out, something about you that makes me have these feelings about you and sometimes, you consume my mind, my thoughts, my dreams and it hurts my heart. - I Can't explain it, I try to ignore you and not talk to you because it is the only way to try and get over you, but that hasn't worked.
I have talked to multiple people about the situation because even though they know and I know, I should not like you - there is something about you, that makes me. I have no idea what it is.
I want to move on with my life.
Because, I would like to find someone, but every now and then, I get the feeling back and it stinks.

The other day, I caved and talked to you. I did want to generally ask a question but it felt so nice talking to you. The thoughts of you, the feeling they make me tear up, sometimes my dreams with you in it, make me cry going to sleep. The feelings for you, make me cry.
It probably sounds totally weird and am not sure if anyone has experienced it but yeah.
Every time I feel like this I, sometimes feel like an idiot because it's been so long and i dont understand why i feel this way.
I can't help but write about you, write words, poems, to get my feelings out. I never have written poems about anyone before, or anything - my feelings and pain for you, started it all.

You really have hurt me in the past and I dont know why these feelings keep coming back.

I don't really know what the whole point of this was, I think because even though I have the guts admitting to people that I like them, I don't have to guts to open up to you like this. I guess, I also want people to know that if they feel like this, they aren't the only one - i hope i'm not the only one.
Whether, you see it or not, I don't care, I don't expect or want anything from you, even though I feel this way - crazy I know, but I have a feeling, you would probably still ignore my messages anyways. 

The crazy thing is, I don't think that I would ever date you now considering the way I was sometimes treated and I know that you like/love someone else which hurt at first and all but at the end of the day its your choice and this is just how I have felt throughout it all, things I couldn't tell you and thing's I probably should have at the time but no matter what the future holds, I think you'll always have a little place in my heart haha I can't shake you out. I have forever wondered what is wrong with me but think I'm starting to understand.

Like I said, there is just something about you. Something I can't put my finger on. or pin point.


I'm sorry.

C O N F I D E N C E

NEW AGE 

Hey, Hi, Hello

Desperate for his forgiveness, she’s telling the whole story of the summer she nearly lost herself. She’s hoping he’ll understand as well as she now does how love—love for your family, love for that person who makes your heart beat faster, and love for yourself—can save you after all

AUTHOR OF THE MONTH

GOES TO:

For once, Auburn takes a risk and puts her heart in control, only to discover Owen is keeping major secrets from coming out. The magnitude of his past threatens to destroy everything important to Auburn, and the only way to get her life back on track is to cut Owen out of it.

The last thing Owen wants is to lose Auburn, but he can’t seem to convince her that truth is sometimes as subjective as art. All he would have to do to save their relationship is confess. But in this case, the confession could be much more destructive than the actual sin…

Sydney is living in an idyllic bubble—she's a dedicated student with a steady job on the side. She lives with her best friend, has a great boyfriend, and the music coming from the balcony opposite hers is fast becoming the soundtrack to her life. But when Sydney finds out her boyfriend is cheating on her, the bubble bursts. The mysterious and attractive man behind the music, Ridge, gives Sydney hope that she can move on and they begin to write songs together. But moving on is harder than she expects, Sydney can only hope…. 

Maybe someday… 

Colleen Hoover draws you in to this passionate tale of music, love and betrayal…

Recently, I have been doing things for myself and trying to get all the 'Adult' things sorted out for example tax, superannuation and having the right qualifications completed for my job career etc.
I have come to the realisation that they should definitely teach these things in school because we all at one point will most likely get stuck and a problem may appear.
Though one thing I can say is don't give up! - There is always another way! So don't stress just find a way around it, think - use that brain of yours and come up with a solution - sometimes we as humans come up with excuses or get frustrated to easily which results in us not focusing as much as we should.
Use the brain and I would say keep the research up - if there is anything that I have learn't when trying to fix and attempt all these adult musts, it is to keep your head high, it will sort it self out eventually and you shouldn't stress - I don't literally mean that you have to do nothing and it will work it out by it self but I mean it will work out for you when it's needed most or even when you have given up and are so done with it - It will be ok!

I wish that tax and superannuation were explained in school, even insurance for your car etc because they send you out into the real world  and your surrounded by all these things that need to be done and completed, you need to get a job to earn money, you need to study to gain some knowledge, you need to save for a car, you need to get your licence, you need to buy things  you need, you need also to be social, you need to make a living, you need to organise super for your future, you need tax because what human doesn't in this world and then you need time for yourself.

There is a lot going on but the more organised you are and the more questions you ask you will likely be on your way to succeeding through the early adult hood stages, I asked my good guy friend for advice regarding super when filling out a form and honestly, I hate to say it but guys are really smart and know a lot when it comes to tax and superannuation - I still don't quite understand super but am slowly starting to - You see, when I started one of my first big jobs at a grocery store, I was automatically signed up for super, I started to get letters sent to me letter box and getting a member card sent to me - I didn't know what it was back then, I didn't know that I had to do anything and ultimately I didn't know how it worked and what is up to me to do and take care of - it is only recently that I thought to myself that - I just have to do it, I can ask questions, I can sort it out and you know what -
Google has been a life saver!! Honestly!
It has all the answers you  could ever need - though having well informed friends is also a bonus!

So with all that being said, just try your best, sure you may make mistakes but it is all apart of life!!!

TOP 10

If you didn't know, I love reading - I love is so much and I was thinking of ideas for book related posts and then I thought it may be a good idea to post what my favourite 10 are (That I have read so far) and so I went out and took some photos and here I am writing this post. The books I am posting in this post are books that I have thought about months after, books that I kept turning the pages on and books I finished the fastest than any other books haha. 
These books made me feel good and for all the readers out there, you know that a book that makes you feel good and possibly gets to your emotions is generally a good book, so with that being said -LET'S GET STARTED!!

For your information, they are not in any particular order, just my top 10 :) 


1. The Bronze Horseman by Paullina Simons - 

                             

This book was recommended to me from one of my aunties. If you have not read this book then I urge you to grab a copy and read it. It is one of the most amazing books I have ever read and have recommended it to many people - It is a moving story and grabs at your heart. I was up until 4am one night reading it, it is about 600 pages and it took me only a week. I could not put this down and at some points through out the book I was sitting up leaning over the book turning the pages and balling my eyes out - It was hard to see the writing haha but honestly this book was incredible. 


2. Paper Towns by John Green - 


Whoever is reading this - go and order this book asap! This book is amazing, truly incredible. I loved the story line of this so so much and I definitely will be reading it again. It gave me all the emotions during the process of reading it and without giving too much away, we all think, dream and more dream that we will meet someone at the shops. bookstore, park, beach etc and life will be amazing etc - This book takes it to new levels and i honestly urge you to read it. I can not speak highly enough of this book and will for sure be looking out/ reading any other books written by Paige Toon.


4. Maybe Someday by Colleen Hoover -