C  .  H   .  A   .   N   .   G   .   E

Throughout life people do change as do people's lives, for example: getting a new job, changing careers, being single, being in a relationship, making new friends, enjoying reading, getting your licence, starting universtiy, changing a course, watching a new tv show etc etc.

So you get the point!

Change, no matter in what form, happens probably every day in  our lives though usually the small things we don't take as much notice of!

Recently,  I have changed a lot about my life though I know it is for the better and that I am better off and way way happier and can be the person I am, without being around people that you feel like you have to walk on egg shells with and doing a course at university that may not particularly suit or be you.

So doing something that makes you happy. Changing something in your life to make you happy. DO IT! I don't regret it one bit and what is surprising is I am excited to wake up every morning and study, I am excited to do more driving etc.

It's the little things but it makes a big difference.

We all obviously have to make a change in our life at some point. 

Everyone, different things - different times in peoples lives.

As some of you reader's may know I started a YouTube channel, thought I didn't make videos in a few months because I wasn't sure where I wanted it to go and what content I wanted to upload. I realised that I love photography and I also love the raw videos that express life and show people the amazing views and nature around us, kind of like the arty videos.

I filmed one once just for fun, and I really really enjoyed filming it and editing it, it was probably the one video that I treasured on Youtube and I plan to make more like that :)

I changed courses at university which I believe was mentioned in a different post and I'm so so hapyp guys!

DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY!

Obviously you have to do both, one serious thing and one fun thing like a hobby. 

If you do something at uni that will not really give you a job straight away after then it is probably good to try and get a job, as I am.

I REALLY WANT A JOB!

It's getting to the point where I wanna make massive signs and stick them to traffic lights and signs with sticky tape and with my name and number written in capital letters with bright colours for everyone to see.

It's so hard for many people to get jobs these days, but I REALLY WANT ONE! My life would be better off and I could make new friends and have money and can maybe finally buy the camera I have wanted for probably 5 years or more. 

I did a silly thing you see.

4 years ago when I went to get a camera, thinking it was a DSLR, then getting told by my brother a few months ago that it is just a digital camera - IDIOT!!!

I didn't know much about cameras back then though I really enjoyed photography and I don't think the passion for it will ever leave me.

BUT I really want a job so i can finally buy the camera I want, so I can help out with payments with my mum more and buy her random gifts.

Life is a weird thing and people notice/ see things before others do but I think that is okay because it is you growing up and you learning.

Like seriously guys, the last month has been WEIRD but also great. I have realised SO MUCH and life is good. 

You know, at new years, I was like you know - this year is going to be great, not going to be sad, not going to have any drama, etc etc

However, its just apart of life - a year it pretty long right and by the end of the year or middle you usually forget what happened at the start but every day, is the start of something new and you can improve anything you want whenever you want.

I remember thinking, that I don't remember having a bad year before a few years ago, I only remember that the whole year was good. BUT it most likely wasn't.

I feel more motivated now then ever to get my life on track, to get my licence etc. I think it is because I have a supportive friend and parent, not a parent who says so much and causes so much drama, which kinda puts your mind in a bad place where you dont feel confident, comfortable or brave enough to go for what you want.

Now I do and I COULDN'T BE MORE GRATEFUL FOR A LOVING PARENT!

I always got embarrassed when people asked about my licence, because where I live, most people go for them at 16 (when you legally can) and but we are all different people, and I heard once that we are ready for different things at different stages and I 100% agree with that.

I went at 16 without studying or reading the book or taking the tests as people said it was easy and I thought as a 16 yr old would that I would pass.

I didn't.

Then a few years passed and then an old best friend of mine passed away in a car accident and it affected me more than I could ever express. I was scared and frightened to go in a car, to drive to be in charge of a car.

In 2013, I got my L's though only started really in 2014 and then things kept going wrong in my life that my mindset would change dramatically and I felt nervous to drive and didn't cause of the mindset. 

It is now 2016, but my licence card is still valid and I am aiming to get it before my birthday! 

I am confident, comfortable and happy now and have a great support team!

One thing I need to learn is that no matter how hard life can be, I need to switch off from it when driving because I need to focus on the road and what I am doing.

I am not embarrassed any more because I am ready now..

and everyone goes through different events and tough times throughout there lives.

And our parents for goodness sake, have so much on their minds and drive everyday literally.

I don't really know what the whole point of this is, I guess that CHANGE IS OK and YOU SHOULD TAKE THE LEAP, IT MAY EVEN SURPRISE YOU! :)

Please please leave a comment if you'd like and I will reply :)

From Natalia XO

TIME OF THE DAY

It all started in high school.. I met this guy, I became friend with him, we spoke a lot, we got along, we spoke on the phone, we texted, we were good friends.

We liked each other, it was great.

Well I liked him anyway, I don't know if he was telling the truth, but I was.

At the time, I liked him for him. I truly did, looks didn't matter, it didn't occur to me back then. I   just    liked   him!

We had a school camp coming up in year 11 and I was not going to attend, because for 1. we would have to camp out for one night after walking to get there for a few hours. 2. The day, I would get home from camp, I would be in the car for 10 or so hours, on the way to Sydney.

3. It was a bittersweet time of the year, with my grandpa passing and the reason for Sydney, was for his funeral....

The reason I considered going to camp and ended up going, was because he asked me to come. I wanted to spend time with him, you know - have fun with our friends, chat. 

Camp turned out to be great fun and I had my bestest friends in the tent with me and was in a cabin with my closest friends. I am grateful now that I went.

I get shy talking to guys, it is just who I am and it sucks. I'm a shy person. 

Once, I finally got the courage to go and talk to him, I did....though, it was pretty much saved by the bell for him as everyone got told to go inside and what they had planned, was now ready...so that was the end.

I was disappointed about, not getting to talk to him after finally getting confidence to do so. Oh, did I mention one of my friends, told me the night before camp that she 'likes him too'!!!!! BEFORE CAMP!

Anyways, I am getting to the point :) 

One night at the camp, I cried. I cried because of him. He didn't intentionally do something but I was at camp, I wanted to talk to him, my good friend liked him also and it was hard.

I remember, sitting down after dinner with everyone, some still eating, some finished and sitting at the tables in the hall.

I guess in a way, I was trying to get his attention, without actually getting his attention. I thought he would come sit and talk....What a joke that was.

Don't get me wrong, he isn't a bad guy. He is pretty great.

So, he never came to sit and talk...maybe he was trying to avoid me, I don't know. Though, I found myself crying in the bathroom and my friends being there for me. Thinking about it now, I guess that was the day - he didn't like me, even if it did or didn't in the first place, who know's...I can't say.

The title of this is called 'Time of the day' for the reason being that, I Natalia am still caught up..He is hard to forget about and I guess I am the kind of person who cherishes memories and the good times. However, sometimes I wish I could forget, I wish I could forget the phone call I once had with him that lasted all night. It's hard.

Now that I am out of school, I never really thought about how things would be. 

Though, I still see his name there...on my facebook chat and I feel stupid, every time.

Why do us as humans, wait, want people who don't necessarily give us the time of the day? 

Why do we, want to talk to them in the first place when there are other people who will talk to you? 

I know we all have our reasons and people have reasons on why they don't use social media much, I get it, I do.

I just feel stupid..

Because 5 years later.... I still think of him, I can't get him out of my heart (Not really in a 'I like you way' In a way that he will always mean something to me, I can't forget about the memories and I honestly do try to 'not' talk to him because I know that, I maybe shouldn't waste my time on talking to someone who doesn't spend time wanting or talking to me.

I know I say and think all of that, but I still, think he is a great guy and sometimes, I want to slap myself in the face for it. I know better but there is just something.

The other week, I asked my friend - why we can't stop talking to these people in our lives etc? I mean, surely everyone experiences it? 

and my friend, didn't know. Does anyone know? Does it happen to people of a regular basis? 

Moral of the story is, it is okay to treasure the memories you have with people because it happened. It is okay to still feel the way you feel about people who you maybe shouldn't be doing or if you know you are better then that. It is okay!

We all go through it in life and all we can do, is be yourself, love yourself and to know you deserve better even if you still want this person in your life as a friend. I mean, it sucks seeing him online and wanting to talk but also knowing he probably isn't feeling the same way and maybe doesn't want to talk to you.

It also is okay to feel stupid. I mean, one day they will be out of your life and you will have to accept, that what was once a thing, isn't now and that people change, no matter how much we want the situation to stay the same.

As for the guy, I dont think I can forget about him, I don't like like him. I consider him a friend but I do like the memories. I do like when we talk but no one can force someone to talk to them.

At the end of the day, I will always care for him and I can't help it but I know, who I am and who I am worthy of. 

You are worthy of people too!

You are worthy of a great life!

You are worthy of being loved!

You are worthy of being you!

Okay, I don't know where this was really going but I needed to let it out and to encourage people that it is okay to cherish the memories and there is nothing wrong with it.

Comment if you would like :)

From Natalia xx