Dear Blog,

You know that saying, "You always want what you can't have". I don't necessarily believe that it is true. Maybe in some cases but not mine.

I got a job a few months ago and since day one there was a guy I thought was cute. After working together a few times, we got along well and I guess we became friends. Anyways, 

after time, I developed a little bit of a crush ha. Which sounds weird to call it that at my age but anyways, he made me smile and laugh a lot until he unintentionally made me cry recently. The reason I don't believe in, "You always want what you can't have" in this case is, even though he was taken and had a girlfriend, was in a relationship blah blah.

I realised recently that I personally wanted him less because I didn't want to get in between anything but rather, my heart just fell for him.

We can't control our bodies feelings and emotions, it literally just happens. Maybe in a superficial case of wanting a phone we can't have it would make more sense but our emotions and feelings are in our bodies, not always in our heads and I realised this when I was sitting by the window, crying..about this person ha. I realised that its our hearts, that we can't control them and that sometimes they suck for making us feel pain and feel hurt but our feelings towards someone make the heart open up and make space for them...I know mine did. I know, because this whole situation hurt more then it probably should have, if I didn't really like this person.

I don't really know where this post is going but I just had to write it.

To stop myself from getting hurt further ahead, I stopped talking and am just being professional at work. 

I don't want to get even more affected then I am now, because trust me it sucks.

I do respect people who are in a relationship and I do respect what they have and would never interfere in such a way, even if my heart, body, or mind wanted it or wanted something from someone.

I got cheated on once and I know how painful that was so I would never do that to someone ever.

No matter how many times I thought of him, wrote of him, dreamt of him - dreamt of kissing him, I would never.

I think the saying "you always want what you can't have" is a saying that people use because it's all they know of, because it's what they have heard and what they have been told themselves at some point in their lives but honestly, I think it only applies in some situations.

Nothing happened between this person and I, I just fell for his personality, smile and ability to make anyone laugh but I will get over it. 

I'm writing this post because until now I didn't realise that we don't pick and choose who we want to like, who our hearts make space for. It wasn't clear to me before but that is what makes it ok - because we don't choose, we can't control what the feelings and emotions do, all we can really control is how we handle situations, how we cry , let it out and be strong and move on :)

You can do it! 

Natalia xx