Opening up to people is important in life, however once you have put yourself out there, it doesn't always end up how you think it will and that automatically makes you close up. 
I am mostly an open person and when I feel close to someone, I am honest about everything, I tell them what I'm thinking, what my dreams or desires are, what my beliefs and values are. These are all big and personal things to tell people.

Recently I felt close to someone, the closest I have ever to a person (it was a guy) and I told him more then what heaps of people know about me. I opened up fully to him and it resulted in not turning out so great. What sucks, is that someone who can be so close at a time and know everything about you, can just be gone out of your life. Can act like you are invisible to them and act like nothing ever happened. 

It is so incredibly hard to want or to just simply open up to someone again as you feel like you can't trust any guy again, you feel like they will do the same thing, just leave out of your life and know so much about you. I personally don't understand how people can do that, know your insides and your outs, yet leave from your life, like there is no tomorrow. 

Unfortunately, for girls we obviously believe guys when they say things, we believe them down to the bone and most of the times result in girls being wrong about the guy. I thought for sure, this guy was different, you know - I really truly did, However he is just like every other guy I've known. Knows the most about me and yet doesn't even bother to say 'happy birthday'. It's things like that, which make you realise that they are the same as the other guys. They weren't different, they are like the other guys who hurt you and leave or the guys which just act like your invisible.

I'm over it. I don't know if I could fully 100 percent trust a guy again. I realised that I trust people to easily, I believe all people are good and maybe that isn't a good thing. 

My question is - How can someone in general know you so well and know everything there is to know about you but then leave just in a click and not talk? 
Why do guys in particular do that? What makes them do that? 

How can people throw that away? 

How can people seem so genuine and different, but be the same? 

I know that we are all only humans and we make mistakes and all that, but I'm sure a lot of people out in this big world have experienced this or something similar. 
Yes everyone is different and unique, however why do guys always seem to do the same thing? Kind of like a pattern, keeps happening over and over again.

Maybe the answer is to not trust anyone, to protect yourself? 
I know that constantly girls are thinking that every guy is different, we went to believe the best in them and want to believe the nice things they say but there comes a point where there has to be a wall put up to protect yourself. 

I'm now scared to tell people about me, to open up. I know that I'm a better self when I am myself and open but I'm scared someone will just leave. 
Obviously it is apart of life, people come and go but how can people just throw a friendship away or whatever it was? 

I mean, My question is - does a friendship ever mean something to a guy? Do they even care who you are and what your values are? Do they care about getting close with someone then it changing just like that, leaving? 

I don't know, I just don't know. I mean we all have to protect the heart of ours some how......right??? 

I wrote a blog post, but never published it. It was called the same thing as this is ' realisation', although it was realising that there are 'some' good things that come from being close with someone, however now I think that maybe they aren't worth a thank you. I think that they suck for what they do and that we have nothing to thank them for because they just leave........Like we are invisible to them, they are nothing to us now??? 

Nothing..........not even what we thought they taught us or any 'good' thing that came out of it. Just nothing... 



I know that from now on, I'm going to be more aware and not believe EVERYTHING a guy says because most of the time they are probably full of shit. Not all guys, there are some guys out there who are incredible and become your greatest friends and don't leave. 

Maybe it's just the guys that know they are good. 


Anyways, that is my thoughts for the past month or so!!!!


From Natalia xx